One of the things I like about Madeleine L’Engle’s books are the family relationships. They are not picture perfect families, but they are families I would like to know, or be a part of, because they are still families even when things are not perfect. Even when the odds seem to be against them, they still act like families. It’s so easy to quit when things get hard, and become individuals against the world.
I remember crying after dropping my sister off at college, and my mom crying, and the general consensus being, we should not be crying. She was going to a safe, good place, and that was good. So we both worked hard, and the next time we didn’t cry. Now I’m not sure to not cry was a good thing. We were mourning the separation of the family. Why shouldn’t we cry? Cry and know it’s alright, because even if we’re separated we’re still a family, and we know we’re still a family because we are crying. Because we are crying, we show we care.
Now my brother is the one who is off at college, and my sister lives several states away, and whenever they come to visit I feel like I should not take time to write, away by myself, and just immerse myself in togetherness. We’re a pretty boring bunch, so togetherness is mostly hanging out, messing around on instruments, talking, and maybe goofing off with some puppets. Pretty boring, but I miss that when we’re separate. So I’m feeling guilty that right now I’m sitting in my room typing this, and not being with my family. Because we are a family, and that’s why I feel guilty. Because I am guilty, and writing a blog post about this, I show I care.
I have realized that while you may never know what you have until it’s gone, you can also realize the same thing when what you thought you’d lost returns. I never appreciated the togetherness until we were separate. I never felt I should try to be with my family as much as possible, until we started going in different directions. Now it’s impossible, and that’s alright. We’re not a picture perfect family. No one is, even if they appear to be. It’s enough for me to realize, right now, that the reason I feel guilty and want to go back and fix things, is because we are family. In a day and age when connections between people can be so superficial, blood is still thicker than water.